I’d Like a Marriage License, Please?

All you really need to get married these days is ID, a couple witnesses, and maybe a little blood. You can get married in a courtroom, if you want. You go through the simple process of filling out the appropriate paperwork, a couple of weeks, a ceremony, and then it’s all done. You have a license to be married. It certainly isn’t that easy to get your driver’s license (Thank God).

Premarital counseling is a must for Christian marriages, if they want their Pastor to perform the ceremony. I have heard of some cases where the counseling didn’t work out, and the Pastor would advise the couple not to get married, or at least to wait. I’m not sure about Pastor refusing to wed a couple, but I think there have probably been some cases like that. Outside the religious sector, however, how much really is required for a couple to be allowed to marry?

Here is the Problem

There are a lot of emotions involved in relationships. One of them, often times, is impulse. People who just can’t want to get married because they ‘love each other so much,’ are in danger of getting into a commitment that doesn’t work out anywhere near the way they had planned. Infatuation is all too often misconstrued as love, and better judgment is often clouded with heart-struck feelings. Getting married without knowing the good, bad, and ugly is a major no-no, but the system of obtaining a marriage license doesn’t slow things down nearly enough for people to think twice and get a level head about that commitment.

Relationships need to be tested. The film License to Wed with Robin Williams is an incredibly humorous example of what I mean. If there has never been conflict, or a challenging time in a relationship, or a period of time without sex (if you have had it already), then it isn’t possible to have a realistic impression of how your marriage will be. Life has ups and downs. If your relationship has always been on the up and up, or has more downs than you can count, marriage can wait. Forever is a long time, and if you are considering marriage, it is important to be realistic about your relationship.

Feelings are nice, but they hardly pay the rent (or mortgage). What about children? Do you agree on how many to have, if at all? You can fall for anyone, but that doesn’t mean you have the same outlook on life or the same views about what marriage really means. Expectations have to be laid out on the table at least as far as money, sex, and children. A majority of marital disagreements stem from those three subjects, so it is crucial that you know each other’s views well in those areas.

Is there any way to change the system? There are way too many people getting married and then getting divorced. I’ve been trying to think of a way that unnecessary divorce can be prevented.

Maybe people should be required to pass a premarital course that can assess their skills in working together as a team, knowing each other well where it counts, and effective conflict resolution. Another part of the course could be a list of expectations in marriage and how well they understand each other’s expectations. It might also be a good idea to discuss long-term goals and plans to see if they really want to be in the same place down the road.

I don’t know what could work! I’m just saying that if people understood better what marriage is supposed to be like, there would be a much lower divorce rate. I’m saying that some people should slow down and really make sure that they have a solid relationship that has the potential to grow over a lifetime. Or maybe everyone should just find a minister like the one in License to Wed before they tie the knot!

Dating a Married Man

The lure for forbidden fruit is ancient. Some women are simply fascinated by the sinful challenges of life. Dating a married man is one such challenge, that some women may find quite alluring. What is it that attracts women to married men? Why is the urge to steal someone else’s husband so irresistible that even women with sound conscience cannot forgo it? Dating a married person is indeed morally demeaning, but above all, it is an emotional mess, which the woman involved in the relationship is expected to clear. Before giving any relationship advice for women involved in such turbulent affair, it would be enticing to know what attracts women to a married man.

Why do Women Love to Date a Married Man
Falling in love with a married man offers a thrilling and exciting experience for women who are fed up of their humdrum life. This experience is full of challenges and women who love challenges simply grab this opportunity. This also means a safe game for women who are reluctant to commit and expect the same of their partner. Since affair with a married man doesn’t need to be sealed with a ring, these women can have their cake and eat it too. Sometimes, the attraction towards married men stems from childhood trauma, wherein the woman may have experienced a feeling of abandonment. Some women, who may find it unable to get a man of their own, find great pleasure in stealing someone else’s husband. In certain rare cases, a woman may be genuinely in love with a married man, who in turn may also reciprocate her feelings. This is where the real problem lies. If it’s a fling for thrill, then the two parties involved will eventually go their own ways, but if they are genuinely in love with each other, the relationship can be traumatic for them as well as their respective families.

What Happens in Such Relationships
Being in a relationship with a married man is not at all gratifying. You will be left alone more often than you think, as the man has his responsibilities towards his wife and children. He won’t be available on weekends and vacation, as it is essentially a ‘family time’. Moreover, due to the social stigma attached to an extramarital affair, he will be always wary of going out with you for the fear of someone spotting him with you. Even when he is with you, he will be constantly checking his watch as he may not want to go home late and fuel his wife’s suspicions. Thus, it would be almost impossible to relax with such a man. If you are dating a married colleague at work, then you might have to endure your coworkers’ criticism and make several compromises on professional front. Dating a married man means, you will be required to attend the important events in your life, such as your best friend’s wedding or your grandmother’s funeral, on your own. Eventually, you will feel the need for a partner who will stand by you through thick and thin. Apart from this, you may constantly find yourself confronted with your own conscience. No matter how well you may justify your affair with a married man, the guilt factor will always be there. So our advice would be to avoid such situations that might make your life a lot more complicated.

What is the Future of Such Relationships
To be very honest, there is no future when you are dating a married person. However, if you are seeing a married man who is separated from his wife you may have a chance of starting a life with this man. Yet, the issue of children, if involved and the fact that the man truly loves you or not are crucial in determining whether you would be lucky in this relationship or not. In rest of the cases, the relationship often spells a doom for the woman. In absence of a bright future, the woman is often left alone to cope with her emotional stress. In some cases, there is a slim chance that the man may leave his children and wife and come to you forever. But, even if he does, do you wish to spend your life with a man who cheated upon his wife? If he could do this to his wife, he could as well do it to you. Moreover, you will have to face his innocent children, who may grow up to hate you, for breaking their happy family apart. And lastly, think about his wife, the woman who cared for him, bore his children and stood by him in his crisis. Your man is least likely to leave this woman for you. Hence, sooner or later, you will have to exit his life, and the sooner you do this the better.

Although, dating a married man is not essentially a sin, it is certainly not socially acceptable. It will cost you your reputation in the society and may force your own family to disown you. This is certainly not worth all the trouble and you sure don’t deserve this, especially, when there are worthier candidates out there vying for you!

Ending a Relationship

Ending a relationship can be pretty traumatic for the two people involved. The fact that the relationship ceases to work, in spite of putting your heart and soul in it, is enough a reason to call it quits. However, ending any relationship is never easy, as there are so many emotions to be dealt with – guilt, sorrow, anger, bitterness, fear, jealousy. Dumping someone is as bad as being dumped. In fact, it is more difficult because there is an additional responsibility of breaking the unpleasant news to the person you truly loved and felt closed to. Although, the pain associated with ending your relationship cannot be alleviated completely, you can at least minimize it by ending the relationship gracefully.

Ending a Relationship

Knowing When to End
A relationship does not come to an abrupt end, all of its own. There are signs and hints everywhere, that the things are not working out as expected. Pick up these hints and try talking things out with your partner. Reasoning with your partner can help you understand the cause of the troubled relationship. If it is of temporary consequence, then a little patience on your part can solve the problem. If there is a lingering relationship issue which has no solution or you are in an abusive relationship then there is hardly any point in staying together. Remember, call it quits only when you are absolutely sure that there is no way to save your relationship. Many a time, couples rush into a break-up, only to regret it later.

Do Not Procrastinate
It is a human tendency to procrastinate important decisions in life, in a hope that if you delay, life will correct itself. Unfortunately, this is not how things work in practical life. Everything happens for a reason and you have to instigate the reason. Procrastinating your decision of relationship break up will only postpone the aftermaths, not alleviate them. Most couples stay together longer than they should have been, just because they feel comfortable that way and are too intimidated to step out of their comfort zone. They are extremely unhappy, yet comfortable. However, if two people are not destined to stay together, sooner or later, they’ll have to part ways. And, the sooner it happens, the better.

Gather Your Courage
Coming face to face with your own decision of ending a relationship, in itself, is very intimidating. But this is the time to gather your courage and work out your decision firmly. Make a list of what are your expectations from an ideal relationship and what your partner has to offer in return. The large rift will help you to gather your courage and execute your decision with minimal guilt. Once you gather enough courage and are feeling absolutely confident about your decision, prepare yourself to break the news to the other person.

Do ‘It’ in Person
No matter how scared you are to face the other person and break the unpleasant news to them, you should always do it in person. Frequent tiffs and your changed body language in past few days are bound to give them subtle hints about the end of a relationship, nearing. A simple ‘We need to talk’ will allow them to anticipate what’s coming on. Breaking the news on phone, email or worse, SMS is a strict no-no. Resort to telephone only while ending a long distance relationship. In all other circumstances, meet the person in question and break the news to them as nicely and politely as you can. It is always a good idea to choose a place where you both first met, to indicate that the relationship has come a full circle.

Be Ready to Face the Storm
You can expect the other person to react in the strangest possible way. However, if the other person is equally eager to end the relationship, you’ll have to face little or no retaliation and the things can actually go smoothly. However, if your news has taken your partner by surprise and caught them off-guard, you can expect an avalanche of emotions to take you on. Initially, there will be a lot of screaming, crying, accusing, which will be followed by promises of ‘good behavior’ in future. It is extremely important to maintain your poise at this state, unless you want to create an emotional mess for you to clear later. Always remember, you have seen enough of ‘good behavior’ of the other person and you arrived at this decision as an ultimate resort only. Do not give in to any pleas or requests and do not get cozy with the other person, under all the circumstances. In short, avoid doing anything that will emanate a hope for the other person.

Moving On
This is the toughest and the most painful phase after a break-up. Moving on after a break-up, especially after ending a long term relationship, is definitely traumatic. If your break-up was a mutual decision, then you’ll at least not have to deal with bitter feelings. On the other hand, a bitter break up can drain you emotionally and financially, in some cases. However, it is important that you prepare yourself to start your life afresh and without any strings attached. Try to keep the contact with your ex to bare minimum, if it’s not possible to completely cut it off. And most importantly, do not rush into a new relationship immediately after ending a relationship.

Parting ways with someone you loved and cared is definitely not easy, but sometimes you are better off without that person in your life. It’s not like people who break up, do not care for each other. You can care a lot for a person, love them truly and yet not want to live with them. Loving, perhaps, has little to do with living together and hence, many people who breakup still love each other a lot. There is nothing strange about break-ups these days, as they have become a part of life for the modern youth. In fact, break-ups are the hitches that man encounters in his constant pursuit of true love.