Ending a Relationship

Ending a relationship can be pretty traumatic for the two people involved. The fact that the relationship ceases to work, in spite of putting your heart and soul in it, is enough a reason to call it quits. However, ending any relationship is never easy, as there are so many emotions to be dealt with – guilt, sorrow, anger, bitterness, fear, jealousy. Dumping someone is as bad as being dumped. In fact, it is more difficult because there is an additional responsibility of breaking the unpleasant news to the person you truly loved and felt closed to. Although, the pain associated with ending your relationship cannot be alleviated completely, you can at least minimize it by ending the relationship gracefully.

Ending a Relationship

Knowing When to End
A relationship does not come to an abrupt end, all of its own. There are signs and hints everywhere, that the things are not working out as expected. Pick up these hints and try talking things out with your partner. Reasoning with your partner can help you understand the cause of the troubled relationship. If it is of temporary consequence, then a little patience on your part can solve the problem. If there is a lingering relationship issue which has no solution or you are in an abusive relationship then there is hardly any point in staying together. Remember, call it quits only when you are absolutely sure that there is no way to save your relationship. Many a time, couples rush into a break-up, only to regret it later.

Do Not Procrastinate
It is a human tendency to procrastinate important decisions in life, in a hope that if you delay, life will correct itself. Unfortunately, this is not how things work in practical life. Everything happens for a reason and you have to instigate the reason. Procrastinating your decision of relationship break up will only postpone the aftermaths, not alleviate them. Most couples stay together longer than they should have been, just because they feel comfortable that way and are too intimidated to step out of their comfort zone. They are extremely unhappy, yet comfortable. However, if two people are not destined to stay together, sooner or later, they’ll have to part ways. And, the sooner it happens, the better.

Gather Your Courage
Coming face to face with your own decision of ending a relationship, in itself, is very intimidating. But this is the time to gather your courage and work out your decision firmly. Make a list of what are your expectations from an ideal relationship and what your partner has to offer in return. The large rift will help you to gather your courage and execute your decision with minimal guilt. Once you gather enough courage and are feeling absolutely confident about your decision, prepare yourself to break the news to the other person.

Do ‘It’ in Person
No matter how scared you are to face the other person and break the unpleasant news to them, you should always do it in person. Frequent tiffs and your changed body language in past few days are bound to give them subtle hints about the end of a relationship, nearing. A simple ‘We need to talk’ will allow them to anticipate what’s coming on. Breaking the news on phone, email or worse, SMS is a strict no-no. Resort to telephone only while ending a long distance relationship. In all other circumstances, meet the person in question and break the news to them as nicely and politely as you can. It is always a good idea to choose a place where you both first met, to indicate that the relationship has come a full circle.

Be Ready to Face the Storm
You can expect the other person to react in the strangest possible way. However, if the other person is equally eager to end the relationship, you’ll have to face little or no retaliation and the things can actually go smoothly. However, if your news has taken your partner by surprise and caught them off-guard, you can expect an avalanche of emotions to take you on. Initially, there will be a lot of screaming, crying, accusing, which will be followed by promises of ‘good behavior’ in future. It is extremely important to maintain your poise at this state, unless you want to create an emotional mess for you to clear later. Always remember, you have seen enough of ‘good behavior’ of the other person and you arrived at this decision as an ultimate resort only. Do not give in to any pleas or requests and do not get cozy with the other person, under all the circumstances. In short, avoid doing anything that will emanate a hope for the other person.

Moving On
This is the toughest and the most painful phase after a break-up. Moving on after a break-up, especially after ending a long term relationship, is definitely traumatic. If your break-up was a mutual decision, then you’ll at least not have to deal with bitter feelings. On the other hand, a bitter break up can drain you emotionally and financially, in some cases. However, it is important that you prepare yourself to start your life afresh and without any strings attached. Try to keep the contact with your ex to bare minimum, if it’s not possible to completely cut it off. And most importantly, do not rush into a new relationship immediately after ending a relationship.

Parting ways with someone you loved and cared is definitely not easy, but sometimes you are better off without that person in your life. It’s not like people who break up, do not care for each other. You can care a lot for a person, love them truly and yet not want to live with them. Loving, perhaps, has little to do with living together and hence, many people who breakup still love each other a lot. There is nothing strange about break-ups these days, as they have become a part of life for the modern youth. In fact, break-ups are the hitches that man encounters in his constant pursuit of true love.

Moving On After a Break Up

Breakups are always difficult for the two people involved. Life suddenly becomes darker, and there is a great void to be dealt with. This phase can be pretty traumatic for the couple, especially for the person who did not initiate the breakup. Everyone has their own way of dealing with this kind of situation. Some people may shut themselves away from the world, while others may begin going out and partying like never before. No matter which way you choose, the basic 3-step process of recovering remains the same: mourning, acceptance, and then moving on.

Here are some more tips to help you heal faster.

Do Not Blame
People often resort to playing the blame game after their relationship hits a rock. It is unfair to blame yourself, your partner, or anyone else for that matter. Blaming and pointing fingers won’t really help you to move on, it will rather delay the process. Instead, just think about how whatever happened, happened for a good reason. Do not have bitter feelings for the other person or yourself.

Cry Your Heart Out
The demise of a relationship is no less traumatic than the demise of a person. The very thought that the person you shared so many wonderful moments with will no longer be with you is very depressing. Hence, do not shy away from expressing your genuine feelings. It’s okay to cry out and isolate yourself for a few days, just don’t make it a habit. Call a friend who will understand and can offer you some genuine advice.

Do Not Wait for Him/Her to Return
Do not live in the hope that the person you loved will come back to you. Do not try to re-establish contact with the person in the same hope. Remember that there is no point in ‘being friends’, as that will only make you more hopeful and postpone dealing with the broken relationship. Instead, leave the past behind and start living your life.

Re-acquaint with Friends and Family
When in a relationship, a couple tends to drift away from their circle of family and friends and gets engrossed into a world of their own. So, this is the right time to re-acquaint yourself with those long lost friends and relatives. Go out with them more often and you’ll discover that there are other relations in life which are just as important.

Pamper Yourself
Do not feel sorry for yourself, as that can hamper your self-esteem in the long run. Instead, pamper yourself by doing all the things you longed for while you were in the relationship. Buy some nice clothes, make an appointment at a spa, or take that vacation you so desperately wanted. In short, do all those activities which you wanted to do all those years.

Sort Out the Legal Matters
If there are any legal matters such as shared accommodation, joint bank accounts etc. involved, then sort them out as early as possible. Do not delay these matters, as they may create complications for you in the future and re-open the wounds.

Beware of a New Relationship
Do not rush into a new relationship before you have given yourself enough time to recover from the previous one. It is very easy to fall for the person who offers a shoulder to cry on during your troubled time. This is the mistake most people do and they end up with another wrong person, which eventually results in a fall-out again. Hence, make sure you are emotionally stable to handle another relationship, and only then proceed.

Moving on after the end of a relationship is not easy, but you can do it. If you face your life positively, you’ll emerge a stronger person than you were before.

Tips on Dealing with a Broken Heart

A broken heart brings with it a lot of grief and sadness, where it is perfectly natural for a person to feel devastated. But what one has to remember here is that it is not the end of the world. You need to come to terms with it and bounce back to a normal, with of course adequate time taken to get over the heartache. Unfortunately, while many books tout their claims on being able to offer breakup advice that works, they fail to be of any help to many of us. The key to getting over someone is to remain positive, avoid cynicism in any form, and focus on the things that you can do with your life that will give it new meaning and purpose.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Put a Stop to Communication
You’re probably used to talking on the phone with your ex, but it is imperative that you sever the ties of communication. Many couples end their relationship by saying, ‘let’s be friends’. However, this does not always work, since old feelings and memories will inevitably crop up. So the best thing to do, is stop calling or taking calls from this person, if you want to get over the pain.

Don’t Dwell on the Past
During this period, you may be filled with conflicting emotions like anger, frustration, sadness, and other upsetting emotions. You’ll also feel the need to analyze every situation to gain a perspective of how things fell apart, dissecting every piece in your head until it drives you insane. Try to learn from your mistakes (if you are unfortunately at fault), but by no means blame yourself for the breakup. Cry if you have to, punch something until you can’t recognize it any longer―but don’t take it out on yourself, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. Take up a new hobby, make time for the things you never got around to doing, or immerse yourself in a fun activity with family or friends.

Though it is necessary to have some ‘me’ time, this doesn’t mean that you have to remain a recluse for the rest of your life. The best people to help you deal with a broken heart are your friends and family. Talk to them and share your woes; they will surely understand and want to help.

Seek Therapeutic Options
If you lock yourself up at home and brood over what happened, you will never be able to snap out of it. Men and women should indulge in a little shopping to get their minds off their ex-loves. This doesn’t translate into abusing your power of owning a credit card; the bills that follow will just stress you out even more. Book an appointment at a spa and treat yourself to a luxurious full-body massage; you can also try other beauty treatments on the menu. Give yourself time to get over your past love―don’t jump into a relationship just yet; a rebound never did anyone much good.

Experiencing a failed relationship does not mean that life has met its end. Be open to meeting new people and live your life like it should be―with no regrets and hope for a better tomorrow. Every relationship has an important lesson to teach; learn what it teaches you with your head held high.

Does Your Ex still have Feelings for You

Love is strange at times! It makes you do crazy things. For instance, falling deeply in love with a person, and then breaking up for unavoidable reasons. That isn’t strange. The strange part comes when you keep thinking about them even after a long gap after your break up. Well, sometimes we tend to complicate things ourselves. We hurt the ones we love, we fight with the one we love, and then ultimately break up only to wish you could undo all the wrong things that happened. Moving on with life is the obvious answer, but what if you want to get back together? Like we said before, love makes you do strange things.

Don’t worry, because we have all at some point, been through this phase. The problem begins when you start wanting to get back to your ex, and revive all the feelings you shared. In some cases, the estranged couple are in touch with each other as ‘friends’ whereas, in many cases, certain break ups lead to bitter feelings. Therefore, many prefer to be away from each other to avoid getting hurt. For that matter, if you wish to reconsider getting back with your ex, would it be a good idea? How would you gauge? Here are some ‘tried and tested’ tips to know if he/she still has a thing for you.

Various Signs That Your Ex Still Loves You

If you are in touch with your ex then it will be easier to gauge his/her feelings. Does your ex call you more than often? Even if you claim to be ‘just friends’, do you feel you spend more time with him/her than you would normally do with a friend? Does he/she find constant ways to keep in touch with you the whole day? It could be through chat, through SMS, or even phone calls. You need to judge the amount you communicate with each other, to know if you have something special in store.

Are you in touch with his/her friends? Do you feel those friends call you a bit too often? It could be that your ex still has a thing for you, and is trying to know more about you. That would itself be an indicator that the feelings you shared haven’t melted away with time. In that case, these friends would prove to be an excellent source to know the truth. It would be a wiser idea to ask directly about the matter rather than wait in hope for something to happen.

Do your meetings with your ex result in flirtation or talks about the time you spent? Any amount of intimacy is a sure sign he/she is still interested in you. However, in this case, it would be a better idea to have a direct talk to avoid getting hurt again. This would help you to know what is going on in his/her mind.

You are the best judge to know and gauge the feelings you share with your ex. After all, with all the time you must have spent together, there would always be certain things you both can convey without really being vocal about it. If you feel your ex does have feelings for you, and you do wish to give the relationship a second chance, you need to talk it out with them. It would be foolish to repeat the same mistake twice; hence you must sort out issues that caused the breakup earlier. Once you have sorted out the issues then you would have a clear picture about the way the relationship is shaping up.

Both of you can work out on the problems faced earlier, and rediscover the beautiful relationship you shared. Have a positive approach to the situation, and you will surely find a way back into your life.

Does My Ex Still Love Me?

Everyone who has been through a breakup, will identify with the sentiments in this Phil Collins’ song. Relationships enrich our lives, and make it worth living. However, a relationship gone bad, can affect you for a long time after it is all over. Parting ways with someone whom you love the most, is one of the most painful situations in life. We’ve all been there, through lonely nights that don’t seem to end, and days that are haunted by the thoughts of your ex. The first few days just seem like torture when you can’t seem to move on.

If you are recovering from a breakup, and if you are simply hoping that your ex gets back with you, it is always better to give yourself, as well as your ex, the time to think about it. If there has been no communication from his/her side, and he/she seems to be doing just fine post the breakup, it means that you need to move on. However, don’t be too hard on yourself; take your time to get rid of the ghosts of your past. Time heals everything.

How to Gauge Whether He Still Loves You
If your ex seems to have a difficult time getting over you, and still seems keen to get back together, you need to think about the situation. Sometimes, your ex might just be trying to be nice to help you cope with the breakup, by being friends. Hence, do not read too much into the initial calls and other nice gestures. However, if the behavior continues after a certain period of time, it is time to discuss the issue. In case you are not sure whether your ex wants to get back together, or is simply being sympathetic, there are ways to find out.

Communication: This is an effective method to find out for yourself, instead of trying to interpret signs. It is much safer, as it leaves no chance for misunderstandings. Obviously, you would find it a bit awkward, but do it subtly. Try and ask why he/she still keeps calling you everyday, or still wants to meet over the weekend.

Signs of Regret: There are some signs which are clear indications that your ex is still in love with you. If your ex seems to be apologetic about the whole thing, and keeps on telling how he/she has committed a huge mistake by breaking up with you, there is a stark possibility that he/she is hung up on you.

Attempts To Meet: If you find that your ex keeps on making plans to meet you, and keeps on calling you like old times, he/she might be contemplating the thought of getting back together.

How To Handle Yourself in Such Situations
If you have ended the relationship and don’t want to be with your ex, you should always try to make things easier for him/her. Constant calling and meeting up, or even talking about the other people you’ve already started seeing, is plain rude. Always treat a person in a way that you would want yourself to be treated.

After a breakup, very often people feel insecure, and obviously want to enter that secure blanket that relationships provide. At times, these people tend to ignore the reasons which once seemed big enough to call it off. Think of these reasons before considering the idea of getting back with your ex. If your ex seems to be in love with you, and wants to get back together, it is always better to give each other some space for a while, until you get over the initial days of solitude. Once you are emotionally stable, you can think rationally about the whole thing, and decide whether you really wish to get back together.

In the end, remember that every relationship is based on mutual trust and respect between two people. It means starting right from the beginning, back to square one. It is not impossible, but it’s not exactly a cakewalk as well. A relationship, once broken, can obviously be mended, but it calls for tremendous efforts to make it work again.

Overcoming a Relationship Breakup

Relationships break due to several reasons, and is a stressful and unpleasant situation. You may feel rejected, frustrated, lonely and helpless. However, keep in mind that it is not the end of happiness in your life. There are so many interesting things that you can enjoy. Hence, you should try to overcome the relationship and move on with a positive note.

How to Get Over a Relationship Breakup

You can overcome the grief of a relationship breakup by adopting different ways. Here are some useful tips.
Drain out the emotions: Immediately after the breakup, give yourself some time to drain out your emotions. During this period, you may cry, rave in your anger; grieve at the unfair treatment that you received from your partner.
Help yourself: Don’t frequently recall the pleasant or sad moments from the past. Avoid looking at the mementos of your former relationship like photos, letters, or gift items. Don’t only blame your partner for what had happened. Think about improving yourself, which will be helpful for your future relationships. Forget about the past and think about your future. Don’t feel inferior and learn to love yourself. Keeping yourself busy is the best way to overcome your grief.
Lean on your friends: Your family members and friends are the backbone to support you in your toughest times. They can play a positive role in overcoming this stressful situation. You can share your feelings and problems with them in order to get their support. Enjoy picnics and outings with them. Don’t often talk about your past. As much as possible, try to avoid the topics that cause you stress.
Avoid sad triggers: Avoid the things that remind you of your ex-partner such as songs, movies, or restaurants. During the first few weeks following a breakup, strictly avoid situations that stress you out.
Change your attitude: You need to change your attitude in order to get over a breakup. You should have positive approach towards your life. Don’t get frustrated for being rejected, or take it as a total failure of your life. Try to change your lifestyle and take another chance. Try to find the person who can bring positive changes in your life.
Therapies: You can try clinical hypnotherapy or self-hypnosis. Consult a licensed hypnotherapist for therapy sessions. You can try self-hypnosis in privacy. This therapy will help you to react positively to the emotional problems.
Don’t get frustrated and disappointed due to a relationship breakup. It’s not the end of the world. You need to rebuild your self as a person.

Breaking Up a Relationship

Knowing that things are going sour
In at least one relationship you’ll have in your life, a day will come when you ask yourself, “Is this working?”, or “Will our relationship last?”, or “When’s the right time to break this off?”. Know that it is time to break up if you experience the following symptoms in your relationship:

1. He stops returning your phone calls.
2. He stops taking interest in you and stops listening.
3. He doesn’t notice that you have had a haircut or you are wearing the earrings he had gifted to you.
4. He has endless excuses for why you can’t get together.
5. He never talks about future plans.
6. He ignores intimate talk and is more preoccupied with other stuff.
7. He seems to be ignoring you.

The moment you think that something is wrong in your relationship. It is advised that you talk it over with your partner, and if things don’t seem to work out, get over with it. Don’t torture yourself with a broken relationship. Imagine hitting your head against the wall. Does it hurt yet? If it doesn’t, would you hit it harder? When will it hurt so much that you’ll be forced to stop banging against the wall?

Consider emotional pain like that of physical pain. When will your heart hurt so bad that you stop running after people who make you unhappy? Imagine that every time your heart is broken, your heart muscle gets chipped and torn. Be as protective with your emotions as you would be with your body.

Learn to comprehend where you stand in your relationship. Think of dating as a long road punctuated by traffic lights. Red lights signal danger, yellow lights require caution, and green lights mean keep going but proceed with caution.

You are at a green light if your mate:
1. Loves you without having great expectations or demands.
2. Is responsible and trustworthy.
3. Listens to what you say and does not dominate you.
4. Is open to commitment.
5. Is sensitive and freely expresses his feelings.
6. Respects your sentiments and views and displays respect for self and others.
7. You are comfortable with him and feel safe and secure in his arms.

You’re at a yellow light when:
1. He has hurt your feelings and displays no respect for you and your feelings.
2. Friends are giving you warnings about him, though you’re not sure they’re true.
3. There is a history of bad relationships.
4. You fall in love too fast (without testing and observing).
5. You spend too much time just “hanging out” without doing anything meaningful.
6. He cancels or forgets dates.
7. You wait by the phone or feel you are wasting your time “waiting” for the other to come around.

You know you’re at a red light and it’s time to put on the brakes and think whether you want to continue in this relationship when:
1. You’re experiencing more pain than pleasure.
2. You’re being mentally, physically, or sexually abused.
3. He betrays you or cheats on you.
4. You feel used, abused, or foolish.
5. He keeps secrets from you or lies more often.
6. Either of you has a lot of unresolved anger toward the same or opposite sex.
7. He is pushy, controlling, or obsessed with sex.
8. His life is dangerous (involves guns, drugs, illegal acts).